Cows are NOT Meant to Roam Free and Wild

So, for about three weeks now I have been having a turf war with the neighbors cow.  I am a somewhat patient person, but even this has pushed this mother's buttons to the limit.  I find myself thinking very evil thoughts more often which is not becoming of my character.  Just two days ago I thought, "I would like to tie an anchor onto that cow's neck and drop kick it into the well".  Or there was this thought, "I would like to put that cow into the neighbors front yard and let it roam and eat all of their trees and flowers".  Or how about the day I came home and it was standing in my driveway trying to take on my car.  I reved the engine and it pawed the ground.  I wasn't having it.  I gassed it and flew at the cow slamming on the brakes at the last minute.  It had a small affect on it.  Then it was back.

No matter how many times, my neighbor has seen his cow out, he does nothing to put it up.  This has become very frustrating to me.  So yesterday like a good neighbor, I chased the cow about a mile away from it's home with a loaded BB gun.  I thought it would get lost in the other neighbor's corn field along with the group of chickens we chased in there a couple of days ago.....but no....it still came back.  Like a horrible stray cat that keeps showing up on your front porch and you can't get rid of.  You take it for a drive...it comes back....you run it over.....it still comes back....you don't feed it.....it still stays.

The cow hears the pumping of the BB gun and starts running.  You would think that it would eventually put two and two together and realize when it comes to the "greener side of the fence", it is going to feel pain.

If it was the old west, that cow would now belong to me or it would have been shot by me and ate for dinner.  I wonder if an animal spends a certain amount of time on someone else's property if that animal's ownership transfers over to a new owner.  Ponder that one for the law books.

Big Boy Toys

My sons created a giant playground for adult paintballers and airsoft wars.  Today their scout leader brought his employees for a round of paintball.  I do believe I saw three brave women in the group.  I have heard of the welts that the paintballs leave and am still undecided if I would try it.  I would need padding from head to toe.  Yes, I know..I am a pansy with some things.  There is a difference between accidentally getting hurt and totally setting yourself up to get hurt.  I ask myself, "Why would I do that?".

It amazes me how some men really never grow up.  Now they can be fun loving and act like kids or they can be complete imbeciles and look like an idiot no matter what age they are or act.  I have decided this runs rampant among the male human species.  I of course, am attached to the first.  A fun loving kid at heart.  Who only does really stupid things once in awhile.  He has tried some interesting modes of transportation that leaves some to question his sanity, but all in all he is a pretty fun guy.

I feel bad for the poor ladies out there that husbands think they are too old for any type of behavior.  What fun is that? You got to cut loose every once in awhile and enjoy your life.  Find the funny in everything, do something spontaneous and crazy.  Do something unexpected.  That is what makes people interesting.

Nutrition Facts for Adults

I was thinking the other day as I looked at my old, sagging body in the mirror, "If as a youth I could have seen into the future and saw the Nutrition Facts label slapped across the behind of my adult body would I have grown up?"

Seriously, the things that age and childbirth does to the body.  If my butt had a Nutrition Facts label stuck to it this is what it would say:
Serving Size: Better Go Easy On It
Servings Per Container: Not More Than one.  It's Having A Hard Time Fitting
Amount Per Serving: Really Wants Seconds But Knows She Shouldn't
Calories: Depends on the Day      Calories from Fat: Too Many To Count
Total Fat: Dude...Label Too Small
Cholesterol: Is That Even a Real Word
Sodium: Ahhhh Can Drink Jug fulls certain times of the month
Total Carbs: Donuts, Spaghetti, Cookies, Swedish Fish
Protein: I accidentally hit a deer once with my car, Does that count?
Not a significant amount of fiber (unless I go out to eat Mexican the night before)

Nothing compares to the havoc children wreak on the womens body.  That is when I started falling apart piece by piece.  My children are constantly reminding me how much certain parts of the body look gnarly.

All I can say is, "Alas my children, be watchful, old age will sneak upon you and snatch the youth right out from under you.  Then you too, will hear the snickers from young lasses and lads of how North is looking like South.  Then it is your turn to sit back and watch the cycle of life".

Redneck Joke of the Day

You know you are a redneck when you haven't been to church in months because your Sunday socks are doubling as your gas cap.

Redneck Joke of the Day

You know you are a redneck when you haven't been to church in months because your Sunday socks are doubling as your gas cap.

Show Gratitude Each Day

Because of recent events in decrease in cash flow, all of my children were required to ride the bus instead of drive to school.  Of course, my daughters were rushing to get out the door because of the time constraint and I was rushing trying to help my 12 year old with his homework he didn't do the night before.  Oatmeal was not my meal of choice, but the only available food substance this morning. 

Oatmeal is best ate when it is warm.  No doubt about that.  Of course, some children were slow getting to the table and by the time the prayer was said, the oatmeal was cold.  As I sat there choking down every last bit, cold lump by cold lump I began to wonder why I had to eat cold oatmeal.  I am sure my children were wondering the same thing because of the moans and groans I heard throughout the 5 minute meal. 

Sometimes when I am asked what is for dinner, I will reply "pig slop".  Even though it may look like pig slop and perhaps taste like it to some, that pig slop was not retrieved from a dumpster or landfill somewhere.  I did not have to go scrounging through a sesspool of filth, flies and maggots to provide the meal.  Yeah, it may not taste like chicken chimichangas or pizza, but it was edible and will keep you alive for one more day. 

Consistently expressing sincere and heartfelt gratitude for what you already have is the underlying and
often overlooked force which opens doors to immeasurable abundance and happiness.  Heavenly Father has blessed us greatly and it is to Him we owe our lives.

Redneck Joke of the Day

You either hate or relate.  The choice is yours.  You know you are a redneck when...you think the movie "Old Yeller" is about your brother's tooth.  Hopefully not many of you can relate to this.

Explanation of Name

I guess I should explain why I named my blog this. I think almost every phone conversation I have with family begins with, "What The Heck ya doin'?". So many answers can come from this one question. Frequently there is admittance that someone is sitting on the John doing their morning "consitutional". That is fine with me as long as telephone lines cannot process smells.

Crazy is probably the best word to describe me. I have to have at least one great big belly laugh a day. That is because with life there is so much stress. Laughing is a great counter reaction to that. I have to beat others at laughing at me. Life is crazy and nothing makes it more bareable than seeing all the funniness in everyday situations.

This morning I was contemplating the dating years and my husband and I. Frequently he would leave love letters on my car while I was at work. My car had broke down and I was required to drive my father's beloved hoopty to work for a couple of days. Unbeknowns to me a guy working in one of the buildings next to us had the same car. My husband came by one day to leave a note of undying love and put it on this poor man's car by .

Many thoughts go through my mind on what exactly he was thinking when he saw this note, signed, "Love, Jay". Of course, my husband took it all in stride. Somewhat embarassed, but then figured he would never see the guy to have to explain. Jay is not much of a "belly" laugher. He is very mellow and perhaps 10 times in 20 years, I have seen him totally let loose with a huge laugh. It has to be REALLY funny for him to laugh. His dry sense of humor is what drew me into his infectuous personality.

So when I call and ask..."What The Heck ya doin'?" make up something good.